QUESTION: CATS IN CLOTHES

Every now and then I see pictures of cats in clothes:

Cat wedding dress

(I found these on an awesome blog - Crazy Aunt Purl)

While I think that it might be cute to put a little dog in a dog shirt, I just don't think it's ok for cats. I was just telling my friend this.

His response, "Shouldn't that be self-evident?"

Me: "Apparently it isn't."

Him: "It is when you get clawed."

Maybe because I know if I attempted it, my cat might chew my arm off. Maybe it's because they wouldn't sit still long enough for me to attempt to stick them in a crazy sweater I knitted for them. Maybe it's because I don't think they look cute in them.

Do NOT dress your cats up.

I will admit, I made a dog sweater for a friend's Pomeranian and I tried it on Al when it was finished. He was too big for it.

SUNDAY SNUGGLES: THE ELUSIVE SINK CAT

Sorry for the lack of post, folks. This week has been life-changing. Literally. In a good way!!

Way back when I discussed the phenomenon of the sink cat I promised when I caught the elusive sink cat in action I would post the pics. The time has arrived!!



He's been doing it a lot lately and I love it. It's so darn cute!!! And I can always tell when he's been in the sink: white sink and black cat fur all over it!!!!

RULE # 8: A CRAZY CAT PERSON MUST ASPIRE TO BE THE BEST

The advent of the internet has put a lot more pressure on Crazy Cat People. Better Crazy Cat People are discovered daily. No longer can you claim to be the best. There is proof out there that someone is better than you are!

I'd have to say that these two examples make me feel like I am only a Grade W Crazy Cat Person. These people are the cream of the crop, Grade A Crazy Cat People. I can only aspire to be like them:

I was a little disappointed in this video. It doesn't exactly give examples of how to massage a cat. But the cat is fabulous!!! It looks like it is in heaven. Or drugged. Either way, that looks like one happy/ drugged cat! (Except when she touches his tail. I'm not sure massage is for every cat. My parents cat used to attempt to gouge your eyes out if you tried to touch her tail or her belly.) Regardless, this is the perfect example of what a Crazy Cat Person should aspire to be!

This second example is my favorite and what I want to be when I achieve Crazy Cat Person Greatness:

Puss In Boots

(This was found of peopleofwalmart.com. It is a fabulous and extremely snarky site. (I love it!)) I WANT to be that person.

1) I have a black cat.
2) I like cheetos.
3) I have black boots.
4) I'm sure I could pick up pj's that look like those.

My only problem. There are no WALMARTs in NYC!!!

One can dream.

SUNDAY SNUGGLES: ELLA

ELLA
Ella really really wants a belly rub!!!

My brother is also a crazy cat person. This is his cat, Ella. What a pretty face! I don't know how he managed to resist the belly long enough to take the pic. I would have had my face in the middle of that warm belly in 2 seconds!

Send me a pic of your fuzzy(ies) and I might just post it in a snuggle post!

QUESTION:ARE CATS WORTH LOSING VALUBLE SLEEP?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Oh, I'm sorry. I may not be too coherent in today's post. Why?

12:13am - Al: Meow, Meow, paw, paw, paw, paw

2:20am - Al: Meow, Meow, paw, paw, paw, paw

2:40am - Al: (Tromping on little cat feet from the left side of the bed, across my stomach, and sitting down next to me for about a minute before walking back across me and sniffing around on the left side of the bed) Meow, Meow, Meow

3:00am - Gus: Meowl!! Meowl!!!

3:45am - Al: paw, paw, paw, paw, tromp, tromp

4:00am - Al & Gus: Meowl, paw, Meow

4:10am - Al & Gus: Meowl, paw, Meow

5:00am - Al: Meow, Meow, paw, paw, paw, paw

5:10am - Al: Meow, Meow, paw, paw, paw, paw

5:20am - Al: (from the other side of the closed bedroom door) Meow, Meow, Meow

5:30am - Al: (from the other side of the closed bedroom door) Meow, Meow, Meow

6:00am - Gus: (from the other side of the closed bedroom door) Meowl! Meowl! Meowl!

8:00am - My phone rang.

I'm exhausted.

I know, see RULE #9. So when they exhibit this behavior what am I supposed to do? Yell at them? Reason with them? Skritch their fuzzy warm bellies? It's not like they were hungry. There was some food in the dish. It's not like they were looking for attention cause they didn't stick around for skritches. ARGH!!!!!!!!

But they are so darn cute and I love them, so I have to suck it up and deal. And be sleepy and cranky today. But I really need to figure out how to stop this behavior. It's not like I can take them out for a run and tire them out so they sleep all night. Stay tuned for updates to the "situation."

In other cat related news, I successfully captured the wily little suckers for our expedition to the v-e-t! I totally lulled them into a false sense of security! They weren't expecting it at all!! My plan worked!! And I emerged from it unscathed! Physically, that it. Emotionally, Gus let out the most heart-wrenching MEOWLS. It sounded like I was torturing a cat. My doorman and porter looked at me like I was this person that needed to be locked away for harming poor little innocent animals. I have a huge feeling that everyone in the entire apartment building heard the meows. Seriously!!

WANT: CATS GROW ON TREES!!!

I love my vet. If you are in NYC and are looking for a great vet go see Dr. Peter Soboroff: He opened a cat only practice and he is amazing with my boyz. It's called the NY Cat Hospital.

They also board cats there. (The cages look out at windows. Cats can watch lots of Upper-West-Siders and their kids and doggies go by. If your cat is friendly and plays well with others, they can have free reign to wander around and get attention from everyone who is in the office. There are 2 resident cats, Optimus Prime and Megatron. They are sweet and friendly and get lots of skritchies from me when they visit. (And there was this fabulous siamese with blue crossed eyes! Have I mentioned I love Siamesez?)

The best part of the visit: A CAT TREE!!! Did you know that cats grow on trees??? The office had the coolest cat tree I've ever seen. I totally want it!!! It's this company called Pet Tree Houses. I totally WANT!!They had it in the corner and there was a ripe cat ready for the pickin!






My boyz are healthy, by the way! They, thank goodness, don't need their teeth cleaned! 'Cept they have gained weight and need to go on a diet. I think they might really be piggies in cat clothing.

Opinion: DARN !@#$% CATS

Sigh.

I haven't posted in a few days. I know. Bad, bad me! But for some reason people have been hating on cats lately. Not exactly at me, but around me. And that makes me sad. So I have been cranky and been wanting to give those people a good talking to! But that would be bad and negative and corrupt my fabulous blog with too much negativity! Which I totally don't want and have a huge feeling that you, the reader, would rather poke your eyes out with wet cat food covered dull spoons.

"So what spurred you to post now and even mention this?" you ask? Well, today I discovered why the cat potty doesn't need to be changed yet - when usually it's time to by now.

Sigh. I feel ever so slightly the need to say stinky things about the joys of pet ownership.

One or both of my boyz has been using the little bathroom mat next to the potty instead. I am trying very hard not to strangle said boyz. (Not that I could - they are looking so cute at the moment.) And I haven't caught them in the act. So, the mat is sitting in the laundry basket and the bathroom floor has been scrubbed and there is no rug on the floor.

DARN STINKIN @#$%^&* CATS!!!

O.K. Now that I have vented:

And am I mad at them? Not at all. I am worried. Because when a cat does something like this, they are usually telling you that something is wrong.

Are they sick? Are they mad about something? I have no idea. Luckily, for me - not for them, I have their annual exam scheduled for tomorrow. They get to go to the V-E-T. I'll have them inspected to make sure that they are running at full cat-pacity. Which leads me to the funny part of the post:

HOW HARD IS IT TO CATCH A CAT?

Maybe for some of you crazy cat peeps, it's easy to get your fuzzy feline into a cat carrier to schlep them to the v-e-t or wherever you may be schlepping them to. Not my boyz. It is the most traumatic event ever. I am seriously considering investing in a Kevlar full body suit.

"How hard can it be? You are bigger than they are!" said one of my friends. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! Once I finished laughing and dried off the hysterical tears I began to explain.

1) They know the SOUND of the cat carriers. Just accidentally bumping the carrier in the closet will send them into hiding for a few hours.

2) They have started to associate treats with the fact that they are being coerced into something. If they are scared, the sound of the treat jar or even putting a treat in front of them will not work. THEY KNOW.

3) I have 2. So if I catch one, he sounds the alarm to the other. And all is lost.

4) They are very very good at being slippery cats or finding the one place where it is almost impossible to reach them to catch them.

5) Once they are finally caught and I have tended to my wounds, they howl. HOWL. You'd think they were being tortured or were in serious pain. I can't take them on the subway or on the bus. Tried that. Wasn't pretty.

When I first got them, I had to get them into the carriers in order to bring them in to be, um, snipped. Well - I was not aware that they fully understood the ramifications of cat catching. Long story short, I literally scared the poop out of Al. It was hilarious and sad at the same time.

So my plan for tomorrow is:

1) Take the carriers out a few days ago. Check. They hid when I did and are a little jumpy around me. They know something is up!!

2) Try to get them used to treats being for anytime. So maybe they might respond to some treat action when I need to lure them out.

3) Procrastinate. I am so dreading this.

4) Set the carriers up at the correct angle to drop a cat in after I finish this post.

5) When the dreaded time comes, make sure they are both in the living room and close the doors to the bathroom and the bedroom.

6) Go for broke!! One will be caught - and you only get one shot - and the other will be on to me. So the remaining cat will probably have to be dragged out from under the couch by the nape of his neck with me feeling unbelievably guilty that I am traumatizing the poor thing.

The above is assuming all goes well. If not, and there are no posts for a few days, assume I am in the hospital recovering.

Observation: BROKEN CATS

I may have mentioned once before that my friend has decided that my cats are broken. Broken, as in they don't behave the way cats "are supposed" to behave.

For example, cats love Tuna in a can juice. Nope. Not my boyz. They take a sniff and walk away.

Chicken? Nope. Turkey breast? Nope. Corn, peas, and carrots? Nope. Melon? Nope. Expensive canned cat food that smells like people food? Nope. My cats don't like people food at all. I can leave a plate full o' delicious people food on the table and walk away without any trepidation that there will be a cat tongue or two getting cat spit all over my food. They don't try to steal my food or whine when I am eating or jump onto my kitchen table. Truthfully, I kind of like it. When they were kittens, Al liked to lick cool whip off my spoon and Gus used to eat mini marshmallows. They don't anymore.

Cats love to bask in a ray of sunlight. Not my boyz. Cats love heating vents or warm spots to sleep on. Not my boyz. I've never seen them exhibit any of this common cat behavior.

How 'bout boxes? Cats looooove to play in boxes. In fact, many of the cute websites refer cats to "boxhab." My boyz are definitely NOT boxaholics. When given the option of an empty shoe box or a packing box they walk away with disdain. "What about paper bags?" you inquire. Nope. Gus wants nothing to do with them and Al will deign to jump on top of the bag or paw it because it makes noise. But displaying the cute-in-a-bag-ness: nope.

The worst part of their being broken: there was a ginormous water bug on the pillow. It was like a zillion feet long. I put Al in front of it so he would protect me from it by killing it for me. He looked at it, cautiously pawed it once, and then jumped off the bed and went about his daily routine!!! Cats are supposed to protect you from evil bugs!!!!! The whole predator thing!



Maybe I should send them to cat boot camp. Or show them videos of how cats are supposed to act. Get 'em to behave like cats should!!

Rule #9: YOU MUST ACCEPT THAT CATS ARE NOCTURNAL

I am working on this post at 3:30am. Why? Because cats are nocturnal. Which means that no matter what I do or how I attempt to "train" them, I have not slept through the entire night since I adopted them. (The fact that I might have to get up to pee notwithstanding.)

Since I have 2 cats, it's 2x the fun! 'Cause it's not like they coordinate when they decide to meow at me or jump on my head or paw at my hair or run around with the cat crazies and the sparkle ball in their mouth meowdeling like something is very very wrong!

Part of the problem might be that I am a light sleeper or that I have a very small apartment or that I put up with it, therefore reinforcing the behavior. The thing is, they can tell when I am sort of awake - and I guess I have a habit of waking up to pee around the same time every night. And cats love routine!!! "She's up - lets bother her!!" "Hmmm, she's not up? But she always gets up at this time, she probably needs some help!"

If you are a crazy cat person, you are well acquainted with the nighttime cat-crazies. Where they zoom around chasing each other and wrestle. Or run back and forth across the bed with tons of pent up energy. Or sit in a particular spot and howl at the top of their lungs just 'cause they like the sound of their meow. Or "kill" their sparkle balls. I think that my living room may be tornado prone, because sometimes when I get up in the morning there is a debris trail of cat toys.

Then there is breakfast time (which is still night/sleep time for me):



At around 5am I get: MEOW! Paw, paw, paw, paw, paw. Al has perfected the "get some of my hair in the paw and pull." It is guaranteed to wake me up. I tell him to go away. That works real well. He decides to paw at the wooden blinds. Then Gus will jump on the pillow. And meow in my ear. Very loudly. The only way to get them to stop is to walk to the kitchen and shake their food dish - WHICH HAS FOOD IN IT - and get them to eat some of their food. This reinforces the behavior. Sigh.

Lock them out of the bedroom? They sit by the door and YOWL. YOWL. YOWL. YOWL. And paw at the door.

And you know what? I can't be mad at them. They are so darn cute when they do it!! That paw move that Al has? So darn cute! When Gus sits on my pillow and sunggles me awake. Awwwww. Sometimes, when they are napping, I try to get them back for waking me up. I try to poke 'em! Does it work?? Nope. I get the cute eye plink and a yawn and a stretch. All of this results in them getting some skritching. But you can't blame me for trying.

WRITER'S BLOCK

It's been a rough weekend in terms of posts. I guess the laziness went to my head and writer's block has set in.

Happy 4th everyone!

Rule #11: ALLERGIES DO NOT MATTER

Crazy Cat Ladies should NOT be allergic to their cats. Unfortunately, I seem to be. No matter!! The call of the warm, fuzzy belly is too great. The gravitational pull cannot be resisted! When one of my boyz sticks his belly up I MUST snoofle it. And then I begin to sneeze. And sneeze. And sneeze. And sneeze. And sneeze. And sneeze. And I don't stop until I take some Benadryl and pass out for the rest of the day. (Then a cozy nap with a warm cat curled up next to me is required. But that's besides the point!) Now, this doesn't happen every time I snoof a warm belly. It is a random occurrence, probably brought on by a combination of the belly and an environmental allergen. So, technically it's like Russian roulette. I take my chances.

Now some people would say, "Why are you subjecting yourself to this? Just get rid of the cats!" Ha ha ha! That's funny! A Crazy Cat Lady get rid of her cats?????!!!!! I think not. I would rather suffer through tons of sneezes than lose my boys!!

There are options available to me - Zyrtec being the best one for now. I could get shots, but at the moment I am weekly co-pay resistant. It may come down to that. There are also genetically engineered hypoallergenic cats that can be purchased for a mere $1,000+ and a waiting list!!! Or I could just get a naked cat. Hmmm - I could shave my cats!! Or get them waxed!!