VOCABULARY: SQUEE & OTHER QTE WORDS

Since today's post was more of a request for help than an actual post, I've decided to post a bonus post!

I've noticed that I have sporadically been using some vocabulary words that are commonly used by the cute community. The newly emerging Crazy Cat Lady may not have heard these terms. For example, "Squee." It is a shortening of the term "To Squeal with Glee." I think it expresses the sentiment to a T.

While I don't always squee audibly, I find that it describes my feelings perfectly when I see something of utmost cuteness! This is not just reserved for cats. I will proudly admit to being a huge animal lover!! (And I don't mean "I love animals, they're tasty!" While they are tasty, this is not something I like to think about.) Maybe I love animals because of their innocence. Maybe it's because of the adorableness. Regardless, if I am in a bad mood, all I have to do is go to a website with seriously cute animals. (I highly recommend this as a way to lower high blood pressure, cure melancholy and lift the heavy spirit!)

The search for happy squees takes me to a few websites. The first one I learned about was Cute Overload. Yes, that is exactly what it is. Pictures of cute animals. Squee after squee. The only fault with this website that I can find is that it has made me want to own a number of animals as pets, 'cause they are so darn cute!!! Most specifically a hedgehog. Before this web site, I had always wanted a porcupine as a pet, but these darn hedgies!!!! Their little boopable noses!! The little ball of hedgehog that they curl up into!! WANT!!

Cute Overload usually has links to where their pictures come from. So if their pics aren't enough, you can always get more!! They also contribute to some of my cute vocabulary - squee and boopable (when you poke an adorable nose and make a "boop" sound.) Nom is also another one. As in - when there are some amazingly cute tails or ears you just want to snack (while making the nom nom nom sound) on them.

I Can Has Cheezburger, the site I discussed when explaining lolspeak, has a number of sister sites. One of these, aptly named, is The Daily Squee. Their tag line, "So cute, your brain might explode." is quite true. In fact, today they have a picture of another animal I need as a pet:

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Yes! An anteater!!! Most recently they had a ton of pics of raccoons. Yep, want one of those as well! As an FYI, Cheezburger has another site called Acting Like Animals.

Now these sites only take so much time to look at. (Um, especially if you check them more than once a day.) What happens if you need more qte (means cute) fix???

Say it with me now: The Pandacam!!!!

I first learned of this amazing technology when the Smithsonian National Zoo in DC had their first baby panda, Tai Shan. I watched the little bugger grow from a teeny pink blop no larger than a stick of butter, to a full grown male panda.



The National Zoo has a ton of animal cams! You can see tigers and lions and sloth bears - Oh MY!! And octopuses and kiwi and fish and ferrets and and and. What's great about this site is that the keepers post education updates about the animals. I have learned a ton of stuff about the animals I look at. It's pretty darn awesome. The Atlanta Zoo and the San Diego Zoo also have panda cams as well as other animal pics, news and cams.

The moral of this post? Qte away, learn vocabulary, increase your knowledge and smile a lot!

Oh, did I mention I also want a pet skunk?


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RULE #2: CATS ARE BETTER THAN MEN (Help!!)

You knew this had to be posted sooner or later. This is part 1 of this post. I need help with this one. (Partially because I am 36, am single and live alone with 2 cats. I am worried that this post might come out a tad bitter. Who me??? Never!!!)

The fact is that I can only draw on my experience and say that Cats are Better than Men! However, there people who are in a stable relationship with a man and have cats. There are some people who date women. There are some people who date both men and women!

I am calling for your help with this post.

Please e-mail me or post in the comments here your thoughts on why cats are better than Men (or women.) I will take everyone's responses and compile what I hope to be a less biased post!! Notice - less biased - I didn't say unbiased!!!!

PHENOMENON: CATS IN SINKS!

Yesterday evening I walked into my bathroom, turned on the light, and was greeted by a "Eeeerrrrp!" (translation: "Hey! Turn da light awf! I'm sleepin' heres!!!*") - GhenGus Khat.
* This translation is in lolspeak. If you are not familiar with it, please see Rule #6.


Gus is a petite, male tuxedo cat. His face is little. His paws are little. 'Cept he weighs around 13 lbs. (I don't think he will be offended if I post his weight for all the world to read.) He fills up the entire bathroom sink. It's the cutest thing ever!!! When he was a kitten he used to sit in the sink all the time. He has slowly grown to fit the sink. (If he gets any fatter, I will have to get a new sink.) Then one day he stopped doing it. I was sad, 'cause it's so adorable! And I didn't have any pics of him doing it. And as of yesterday, he seems to have started sink-sitting again. I tried to slowly get my iphone to take a pic of him, but he assumed that since I was walking in the direction of the kitchen, that I MUST be going to the kitchen. I have yet to catch the elusive Gus sink sitting. But it's true!! Really! And have I mentioned that it's super cute???


Most cats do not have an affinity for water. In fact, if you get a drop of it on Al - he bolts and holds a grudge for a few minutes. So one would ASS-UME that sinks (which have water) and cats would not mix.

Except for maybe this cat:



Now I know my cats are strange ("broken" according to a friend of mine.) Gus doesn't mind sitting in the sink after I have just used it. If you turn the water on while he is sittin' in the sink he doesn't react at first. And then he will slowly get up and leave. He sometimes drinks his water by sticking his paw in the water bowl and then licking his paw. (Yes, it's amazingly cute too!) So I ass-umed that he was a uniquely strange, broken cat. Then a few years ago, when I mentioned Gus' antics to someone, I was told about this website. Yes, there is an entire website devoted to pictures of Cats in Sinks!!! Apparently, cats love sinks!!! Who knew??!!!

What causes this phenomenon? One hypothesis is that the cat is a little toasty and it's cooler in the sink. Another is that a sink is a nice cozy place, thus the cat feels safe and snuggly when sleeping there. Perhaps it is due to a genetic defect, the "Cat Hates Water" gene is somehow mutated. Scientists and Crazy Cat Ladies are stumped. There is no known explanation for this strange occurrence.

As soon as I catch the elusive Gus in the sink, the pictures will be posted!
Oh yes, there will be pictures!!

Yes, Al - I know. Don't worry. I'll post about you too. And I'll include cute pics of you too. Soon. I promise!

WANT: CATIO!!

The NY Times published this article on June 16, 2010. I can't stop talking about it. Or begging my dad to build me one. (The fact that I 1) don't have a balcony or 2) don't have any outdoor space does not deter me!!)

I think these Crazy Cat People get the award for dedication to their title.

My goal in life is to get a Victorian House and build an intricate Catio for my boyz! (No - this is not sarcastic!!!)

Rule #3: CAT BODILY FUNCTIONS ARE CUTE.

Now's the time on Guide to Being a Crazy Cat Lady that we discuss cat bodily functions. "Why now?," you may ask. After abandoning my poor sweethearts for an eve, I came home to find not one, but TWO large piles of cat barf in my living room!!! (At least these were dry this time. Last time there was an unfortunate bare feet/ wet cat food barf incident.)

A true Crazy Cat Lady does not go, "EW! GRRROOOSSSS!" A True Crazy Cat Lady says to her cats, "Aw, is your belly feeling better? Did my little noodles have a big 'ol hairball? Are you better now, my snuggly-bottom-smooshie-wooshie-face?" And then proceeds to get a paper towel and dispose of the cat barf without a flinch or a negative word.

What about when a piece of cat poo decides to go on a trip with the cat? A friend of mine who is NOT a Crazy Cat Person has decided that these are "Poo-Mines" left for unsuspecting humans to find. (And possibly think that it might be a piece of fudge, since marshmallow fudge had just been made.)

A TRUE crazy cat lady knows that the poor, innocent kitty just had a little stow-away on their (usually zooming) trip out of the potty. A True Crazy Cat Lady says to her cats, "Aw, my silly little stinker-pantz. Did you have a good poo? Looks like you had a tag-along!" And then proceeds to get some toilet paper and flush the "mine."

We crazy cat ladies are not flustered or thrown out of sorts by cats bodily functions. We know that cat barf is a good thing because it helps get that big 'ol hairball out of our babies' bellies. Depending on the cat, sometimes it sounds like your smoogy-woogie-fuzz is coughing up his/ her entire digestive system, with a few other systems for good measure. Do we worry? No! It is just the cue to go and get that paper towel. (If you ignore that alert you might forget about it later and have an unfortunate midnight bare feet run in with some choice leavings! That is also par for the course.)




Scooping cat poop from the potty? Not a problem! Those little tootsie roll-like offerings in their potty mean that your fuzz butts are healthy. So you scoop away without a care or worry. In fact, if you own more than one of these fabulous beasts, you know who poops where and which poop belongs to what beasty!

True Crazy Cat Ladies are not thrown or grossed out by cat bodily functions. And we are confident that these puke-mines and poo-mines are just our cats' loving gifts to us. (In fact, for Mother's day, I got a big old puke-mine. I was so proud!!)

Issues: Tchotchkes

There is an assumption that if you are a crazy cat lady you must collect anything and everything that is cat-related. The tchotchkes must be as tacky as possible! ( In case you had no idea what a tchotchke is: according to wikipedia - tchotchkes are small toys, gewgaws, knickknacks, baubles, lagniappes, trinkets, or kitsch. The term has a connotation of worthlessness or disposability, as well as tackiness. In other words, crap!)

As a modern Crazy Cat Lady, I do not collect tacky, cat-related items. I do not have any pale pink t-shirts with airbrushed kitten pictures. I do not have cat pictures hideously embroidered on throw pillows. I do not have any pastel porcelain cats playing with yarn or eating flowers cutely. (The fact that I have a collection of cow stuffed animals is another issue which will not be discussed in this forum!!!) You are allowed to own a few tchotchkes that poke fun at your status as an Official Crazy Cat Lady. For example,This awesome figurine can be found everywhere or here on Amazon.com. Also, some of the awesome stuff mentioned in yesterday's post like this:




So - I am officially stating -

Collecting tacky, cat-related stuff is NOT a requirement for Crazy Cat Ladydom. *

If you happen to own a variety of cat-related tchotchkes, it's OK. It shows a level of commitment that few have.

RULE #10: EVERYTHING TASTES BETTER WITH CAT HAIR IN IT!

Don't "ew" me. You know it's true. In fact, I'm sure I've got a hairball growing in my stomach as I type this!!! And it's OK! Car fur is the secret spice that turns the most humdrum meal into a feast for the senses! In fact, I am considering keeping a Ziploc bag of cat fur in my purse to put on food when I eat out!

Seriously though, a true crazy cat lady doesn't care if there is cat hair in their food. Even if the kitchen and dishes are spotless, it is inevitable that a hair or two will end up being consumed with your meal. Unless you own one of those wrinkly, naked cats. (And that is a whole 'nuther issue!)

**The fabulous plate pictured above can be found here on Amazon. I originally saw it made by Our Name is Mud. They are based here in NY and have a few outlets in the City, but have an online store as well. I have seen their ceramics all across the country (usually in card stores.) They have some great ceramics - not cheezy, frightening ceramics - but cute, dorky ceramics. (Plus, the cat drawing they use looks just like my Gus.) Their stuff is not just for crazy cat people, they also have items for Crazy Dog People and some really cute stuff for Slightly Normal People. (All of their products are great for gifts!)

RULE #6: YOU MUST BE FLUENT IN LOLSPEAK

In the beginning (Jan 11, 2007)there was this ground-breaking, pivotal, world-changing post:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

AND THUS, LOLSPEAK WAS BORN.

The definition of LOLSPEAK, according to Urban Dictionary:

The official language of the lol cats, aka lawlcatz.Teh laguage was discovered when cats beggan attempting to speak the english language, to let their masters know what they desire, or to state events, they made possible.

In order to be a true Crazy Cat Lady you must be able to speak and read lolspeak.

-You must be committed to (as compared to being committed - that's just crazy!!) religiously reading icanhascheezburger.com.
When I say religiously, I mean at least 3x a day! They are always adding new posts so it never gets boring. This web site will make you awwww and ooooo and squee!!! (definition of squee! to be discussed later) All of the posts on this site will aid you in your quest to be fluent in lolspeak.
(An added bonus of this site is that if you are in a grumpy or sad mood - just visit cheezburger, start reading the posts - and voila! - your mood will improve - guaranteed!)

(Another added bonus is cheezburger has sister sites - ihasahotdog.com - about googies (dogs) and their escapades; http://punditkitchen.com/ - about current political events; learnfrommyfail.com - about people's darwinesque moves; and a ton more!!) These sites will give you something to do if you're bored at work, need a pick me up or need to feel better about yourself by laughing at other people!) But, I digress.

From time to time I may use lolspeak in these posts, so I figured you needed the tools in which to understand what the heck I am talking about! There is The Definitive Lolcats Glossary which can also help you understand lolspeak.

You must understand who Ceiling Cat and Basement Cat are.

Once you have mastered lolspeak, the world is you litter box!!!

(Yes, there will be a quiz!)

RULE #1: YOU MUST BE OWNED BY AT LEAST 1 CAT.

"Dogs have owners, cats have STAFF!"

-Is so very very true.

Cat meows, you bring them food. (Food they have decided they approve of!) You clean their litter boxes and make sure they have fresh water. You make sure they are comfortable and entertained with expensive beds and climbing trees and toys and more toys. When they want skritchies and belly rubs, you drop everything you are doing and skritch away! They control you and you happily do their bidding. They own your butt!!!

Yes, this rule goes against the traditional rule of 3 cats = Crazy Cat Lady. I have a number of issues with this antiquated and often misused notion.

To begin with, in today's economy one has to make exceptions. Owning 3 cats = EX-PEN-SIVE!!
Litter, food, toys, treats, vet, treats, toys, beds, deluxe scratchers = $$$$$! So the 3 cat rule can be cost prohibitive.

You can be a Crazy Cat Lady with just one. How many people gush on and on about what their cat did the other day? Or how cute their cat is? Or how smart their little fuzz ball is? See - singular. 1 cat. You can be just as nutz and have only 1.

It usually doesn't stop with just one. You feel guilty when you leave your little snuggle-wumps alone. You can hear her cry through the door when you leave and it just breaks your heart. My first cat, Amy Meatball - used to cry and cry when I left to go to work. It made me feel so guilty. After she passed on, I resolved to get 2 to keep each other company. I've since discovered that many shelter require to take 2 (or more) together. When I adopted my boyz, I was told I had to take those specific 2 together. Truthfully, it was one of the best things I did. Yes, cats are solitary animals and 2 cats = more fur than 1!!! But my boyz have each other and have demonstrated that time and time again. When I step on Al's tail, Gus runs to sniff Al to make sure he is ok. When Gus accidentally rolls off the ottoman, Al runs and licks Gus' ears to make sure he is ok. Which is super cute!!!! (Did I mention how cute they are??? Especially when they curl up in a ball of cat!)

Try walking past an adorable kitten who needs a home??? Thoughts of when your 1 cat was a kitten start and you suddenly feel the gravitational pull of those cute eyes and teeny paws and tail. Before you know it, you've just adopted another cat. Oops. Like I said, 1 is just the beginning.

Yes, an experienced Crazy Cat Lady usually has three or more, but that is something to aspire to. Remember, the answer to everything is always more cats!

Disclaimer

This is my disclaimer - it was not suggested by my legal team (my friends who are lawyers). It's more of a WARNING.

WARNING: I will be discussing cats in this blog. I am a Crazy Cat Lady, therefore I will talk about cats and possibly reference all the cute stuff my cats do. (It's enough to make a semi-sane person run screaming.) While some of this blog may mention other things - it is about cats!!!

Other disclaimer - also not suggested by my legal team. It was suggested by my brain. (NO COMMENT PEANUT GALLERY!!!! YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!)

I will be posting the requirements that MUST to be met in order to help you categorize/ identify a True Crazy Cat Lady (er-Person. I'm female so I may use the Lady word a lot. But this can always be applied to guys.) Just because someone calls themselves a Crazy Cat Lady, it doesn't mean that they actually are one. These rules are THE way you can identify a TRUE Crazy Cat Lady.

The rules will not be posted in order. I will post ones that I feel are most appropriate for the day. (This goes against my logical, orderly mind - but tough tushies!)

Additionally, I welcome and hope for comments/ suggestions. If you can sway me, some of the rules may be altered to accommodate an exception or situation that I may not have considered.

The above being said, we begin:

In the beginning ...

I'M A CRAZY CAT LADY!!!

That's right. You heard me.

I'm a crazy cat lady. (Just in case you weren't sure you read it right.)

Yes, there are specific rules that must be followed if one must consider themselves a crazy cat lady. You can't just up and decide you are one. (And yes, you can be male and be a crazy cat guy - but there are some addendums (yes, there are instances where non-defined words will apply) to some of the rules.)

This blog is to help you in your quest to become the craziest crazy cat lady (or guy) you can be.